Heh, still crazy, too! ;-)
I have been thinking about things since my last post, ideas bringing themselves forward like white ribbons un-spooling. It is like opening a treasure chest isn't it, when we open up an idea and share it online with others? All sorts of feelings come with it, sometimes guilt, sometimes exposure, sometimes self-incrimination, for not having done better or handled things right? Sometimes I look in the mirrored pool of reflection, and I seem to fall in later. Extrication takes some thought.
I went over the idea of Fiction in our lives as sort of a sense of expression and utility of creativity. It does express alot of things unconsciously, and even, help us find tools to use towards making ourselves stronger, and ready for whatever journey we feel is ahead. In my case, it's sort of been a full circle thing, because I started out on my own...began reaching out of myself looking for help and support from others...depended on what others told me as what Reality was, and should be...and then, when my faults drove others away? I began the journey alone again. I know people now, but I still tend to be a solitary creature. No, not because I want to be, but because time has told me I need to deal with things on my own, and stop looking for others to lend their sense to things. Time comes when a person has to stand alone, and be tough right? The problem is, the isolation gets lonely. One forgets how to blend one's life with another's. Sometimes I think I even forget what may be the line of reasonability, in my view of all or nothing. I sometimes forget what is "expected", and what is proper, what is protocol, and what is just lip-service. People say things all the time-- what do they mean? So I do tend to favor people who simply say what they mean, because I make it complicated enough, just trying to figure out things from my end! LOL.
Sizzle is just back from a couple weeks away, part of which was spent in a group setting with other bloggers. Now in theory?? We should all get on like ducks to water. We all have tons to say, tons to chat about, things in common! But she mentioned something, that gave me a moment of pause, and that I sympathized with greatly-- and that is the sense of being alone in a great roomful of people. I believe in her case too, the weight of being such a well-known and liked "personality" left her feeling she had to perform all the time...always "on", and perhaps, not really then herself. All of us by virtue of our terrific minds and humors and reams of discussion waiting to share, every day "personalities" we share here--- but what about the darker seamier sides, that we sometimes do not share here, for fear of judgement and ruining our shinier facades? The more someone likes me for what I appear, the more I am aware of what they do NOT know about me, hence, the need to share with someone I care about the more "real" bits of me. The Me that has her hair uncombed, and a face proverbially dirtied with chocolate and coffee...the one that cried during a movie last night, but doesn;t want to talk about Why...the one that has fears and insecurities that when counterbalanced against the shiney bright comrades I see? Make me feel inadequate, and like I really must make my face shine brighter, next I go forth. Mmm.
We ALL are personalities, held together with ribbons of thought and fears and dreams and past, but we seldom talk about it. The colors I am made of are what makes me sparkle like I do, but it also makes me sometimes quirky, and neurotic, and want very much for you to like me even IF I seem imperfect in the end. I do want very much for you to like me for all my bad seams and small imperfections, as well as the beautiful cloth in-between.
So Sizzle, had I been there with you at the convention, I would no doubt have been sparkling and chatting as you were-- but at the end, grateful for the respite of the hotel room at the end of the day. The simple quiet, where the sparkle can subside, and i could be just Me for awhile. I would have tried very hard to impress you with my many charms and witt, and seeing your brilliant smile across from me? I would wonder if you would love me for really just who I am, inside. Knowing you in part as I do, wouldn;t I be dying to show you the part that talks as candidly as we sometimes do? Wouldn;t I hope for a sense of understanding and it being okay, yet feel in your beauty and humor, inadequate somehow? How does one cross that bridge of Hope?
That velvet lining that peeks out at another, when we write here...it seeks an understanding eye. Not commiseration, so much as notice and a smile of comfort.
Stanelle wrote me the nicest comment to my last post, and I really really appreciated it. There were some people who didn;t "get" the fiction was a tool to better sharing and letting loose a creative flow, but Stanelle always supported that. So did Insipida, and some of the other friends of that time, and it meant so much for them to simply encourage the creativity in a difficult phase of life. I sometimes felt ashamed of what I wrote, or that I even felt it was any good-- but what I know NOW is, I feel that way about almost anything of creativity and sharing. It's the exposure of being the typeFOUR that hates and loathes my own vulnerability, and need to share. The velvety lining, desperate to share and be seen, and add something of beauty or comfort or inner self-- it wants to jerk back what I show, sometimes. I do it, even now, and that is what I wrestle with, in sharing at all. I guess it's trust issues, but it might be more like, "don't show weakness". It's an ancient creedo.
What I wrote, and continue to write, is nothing to be ashamed of. It actually makes me feel really good to read alot of what I have put down. What I wonder sometimes is, what will someone else say? The chink in my armor, is that I NEED to share. I wrote then, because it felt so great to create and spin a yarn...and I write now, because I just can;t seem to help but spin a yarn and share what is inside. The strength comes from weakness, and the weakness feels a hole in me, some days. It peeks in to the heart of me, and is sheer velvet softness. There is no defense in it.
*shrugs*
I wonder why I sometimes hate my need to write and share and create. Lots of people cannot do it. Lots of people have admired me for all my depth of feeling, and being able to write as I do, straight-forward plowing into it. I have learned to fear the fact that I have so much to share, so much to conversate about, and such depth of feeling. It seems a fault, where I should show None. Spouse said to me last night, something to the fact I need to Omit that part, and claim the Credit for the end result! I have heard of this motto, but mine seems to be more, "Lay it out there, and tell the truth of it in the most colorful way possible!" hee! If I parked the trailer darn near perfectly, and you are impressed? Don;t be surprised when I tell you then laughingly, of how it took me 6 attempts, and the truck ended up crooked while the trailer was straight! heh! Telling it in the most entertaining way I can is just my style. I never take credit, without telling you how it all came to be!:-)
I don;t even pretend to be perfect, anymore. Some people think I attempt to make it seems so, but the truth is, I don;t even begin to try. I just don't argue. If they really want to get to know me, it is a process of layers, and surprises, and not without depth in the end. Who among the people you meet will get that far?
I may sometimes hate myself for needing to share my feeling and all the emotion I have, the thoughts tumbling out of me in easy waterfall...but it's really the truth behind anything to do with me. Even when I play it "cool", it's always there, the pressure of water.
Would Sizzle meet me, and see the water reservoir and find it beautiful? Would she look, and see a reflecting pool she might find useful and good, or only a hazard to a picnic? Would she be comforted to know, in my mind she will always be the windy spot along the Pacific Coastline, where a tree marks her Thinking Place? I don't fear the wind. When a person has a force inside of them they they use for good, I think it gives them something to share that will endure. When we can just respect that? It makes us all free, to just be ourselves.
Friday, July 25, 2008
Blake's Seattle B-Day Party TONITE
Are you going?
How cool is this? When you sell tickets to your event thru this company, a part of the proceeds goes towards a charity! That is amazing. :-)
Okay, while BlakeLewis's birthday was on Monday, he is throwing himself a big musical party tonite at the Jet, so he and all his friends can play music and get down-- and the public is invited. It's over 21, so be advised-- but if you can go? You totally should. It's bound to be a fun time!
Monday, July 21, 2008
Oddly Metaphorical
I have been thinking about how we tend to do things so Unconsciously. Have you ever noticed this, either for the good or for the bad? The strange coincidence, the way we tend to shape what happens by what we think or dream or wish? We call it irony, we call it serendipity, we call it luck-- but isn't it strangely accurate, how we resolve to look at things in our life? I have thought this about fiction-writing, just as I have thought this about the slant of human living, and how 90% of what we interact with other humans is Non-verbal. There is a tie in there, for I do believe when we write fiction, we are resolving puzzle pieces somehow to fit, to explain how we feel, and to reach outward towards understanding.
If you haven;t written fiction before yourself, then perhaps you don;t know-- but let me give you an example. Wolfie wrote fictions about her character, and the addition of an erstwhile Mate in life, called Psy. Wolfie was the interior view of herself, slinking around shyly thru the undergrowth, but longing to have adventures. She was not so timid as one would think. Psy came along, the embodiment then of her Power-- endless, irrevocable, merciless Power to go thru life-- and slowly from that point, our friendship did crumble. It crumbled on paper as well as in RL, for if Psy were all powerful, and Wolfie honing herself to greater things, then wasn;t a simple hard-headed horse bound to be left behind? But what to do with such a creature? At one point she even had the Power pick up and throw the horse as tho she were a rag doll, and it was then I realized somewhere deep down inside myself, I was not going to fit anymore. She went on to further, space-age and complex adventures, while Bully galloped around closer to home, playing with kittens, and trying to understand where she fit in with her different friends. Is it so different from RL, and what actually happened?? Nope.
--Psy was the empowering agent, that made it possible for Wolfie to go off on wild adventures, unstoppable and invincible. Me? I was just a poetry reading, thoughtful questioning Horse. That's the Reality behind the Fiction. No wonder I felt left out.
A book I read once warned against using Metaphor to explain or describe your progress in life or how it Feels-- because it is naturally limiting. But I wonder if we can HELP but put it into metaphor, to explain and put a thumb to how we feel? Don;t Humans NEED that? Don't we need to understand, and see our progress on a map if possible? Don;t we need to understand what is happening to us, and process feeling? I believe we do.
I don't write about Bully-adventures anymore, because I think Bully's adventures are going in inside of Me, my self. She is traveling the winding woodsy way of the trails of my soul. Finally inward, instead of outward, she is learning the roads and deer path trails. She entertains herself instead of seeking to be entertained, and she looks out at the world in a far more seperate manner.In my mind, I see Bully standing on a hilltop some days, overlooking a valley with the wind in her mane. She is peaceful and happy, and so in that I am content and feel no need to write about it. It is only when I seek to define myself by another, measure myself up against a friend or another's judgement or wishes do i feel angst, and searching, and feel the stories well upward again. That's when I know, I'm better off on the windy hilltop, feeling peaceful.
If you haven;t written fiction before yourself, then perhaps you don;t know-- but let me give you an example. Wolfie wrote fictions about her character, and the addition of an erstwhile Mate in life, called Psy. Wolfie was the interior view of herself, slinking around shyly thru the undergrowth, but longing to have adventures. She was not so timid as one would think. Psy came along, the embodiment then of her Power-- endless, irrevocable, merciless Power to go thru life-- and slowly from that point, our friendship did crumble. It crumbled on paper as well as in RL, for if Psy were all powerful, and Wolfie honing herself to greater things, then wasn;t a simple hard-headed horse bound to be left behind? But what to do with such a creature? At one point she even had the Power pick up and throw the horse as tho she were a rag doll, and it was then I realized somewhere deep down inside myself, I was not going to fit anymore. She went on to further, space-age and complex adventures, while Bully galloped around closer to home, playing with kittens, and trying to understand where she fit in with her different friends. Is it so different from RL, and what actually happened?? Nope.
--Psy was the empowering agent, that made it possible for Wolfie to go off on wild adventures, unstoppable and invincible. Me? I was just a poetry reading, thoughtful questioning Horse. That's the Reality behind the Fiction. No wonder I felt left out.
A book I read once warned against using Metaphor to explain or describe your progress in life or how it Feels-- because it is naturally limiting. But I wonder if we can HELP but put it into metaphor, to explain and put a thumb to how we feel? Don;t Humans NEED that? Don't we need to understand, and see our progress on a map if possible? Don;t we need to understand what is happening to us, and process feeling? I believe we do.
I don't write about Bully-adventures anymore, because I think Bully's adventures are going in inside of Me, my self. She is traveling the winding woodsy way of the trails of my soul. Finally inward, instead of outward, she is learning the roads and deer path trails. She entertains herself instead of seeking to be entertained, and she looks out at the world in a far more seperate manner.In my mind, I see Bully standing on a hilltop some days, overlooking a valley with the wind in her mane. She is peaceful and happy, and so in that I am content and feel no need to write about it. It is only when I seek to define myself by another, measure myself up against a friend or another's judgement or wishes do i feel angst, and searching, and feel the stories well upward again. That's when I know, I'm better off on the windy hilltop, feeling peaceful.
Friday, July 18, 2008
What's Goin'-on
I had an interesting talk this morning with Spouse, about the power of MS in the scheme of PR, especially in the way of celebrity. One choice in the lives of a celeb to allow questionable content? One stupid video? One idiot interview where they talk out of their aass? It can have long-reaching implications. MileyyCyrus is on GMA this morning, and more and more I am seeing questionable things from her, smark remarks, and the beginnings of a real teenage hellion. It makes me a little sad, seeing her image get tarnished as she stretches her diva-wings. HilaryyDuff was much more careful, but still, we see without a doubt a huge change from the wide-eyed innocent, courtesy of JoelMadden. I blame him, turning her into a much more typical LA actress/clubbing hootchie. Yet? Her sweet face still adorns every wall in my little girl's room, and as she has made an effort to control her private life, there are no scarey MS photos, no sordid stories, no naked pictures to keep from the children she can still reign supreme.
But what about Mileyy? What is the impact there, as a billion girls look up to her, watching her grow up and set the standard for what a "normal girl" really can achieve? Will she only encourage the questionable behavior and naked pictures and sexxy MS photos for the young? Isn't that a trend we want to nip in the bud?? Why is she falling for the sexxy propaganda, when she should be still encouraging young girls to keep their clothes on, and stay sweet? There are rumours of sexxy sleepovers, kissing girls, and boyfriends in her half of the house...there are even pictures to show that she isn;t as innocent as we would like to think. At 15, didn't I know girls who were savvy and fast? But, were they famous for being girl's role models? It's a point or two that makes me squeamish, even as I record this GMA show for youngest to breathlessly watch.
Hilaryy never ever gave me reason for worry, or concern, and for that I find I feel supportive of her, as she explores herself and her own sexuality, as she grows up into an Adult. She left behind from her teen years great movies that we still watch, and will be shown for a long time to come. She came out of the growing up phases with her dignity pretty intact, if not her innocence. A man was bound to steal this from her at some point I resentfully realize, but she shows more how if you respect yourself and your choices, you can come out the other side with some class.
Last night I went back in archives at rickey's, looking to see in retrospect how things unrolled, unraveled, and where we lost so many of Blake's fans. It was the popping of that innocence-bubble we had around him, much as I have spoken about, above. People could not tolerate easily the loss of the charming "kid" image, the sweet boy who wore sweater tops, who seemed a young prince charming of the normal-kind of folk. The idea of him being jaded, or overtly sexual, or callous in his manner out in public just never occurred to people, and with the inside-joke of goodbye, "Titties!" a thousand hearts crashed and burned. The second blow? The MS vid from FunnyorDie of "BL is sh*ttting in my Toliet", and that's where he nearly shook me loose too. His label warned him, to take it down-- it was going to offend his fans and cause a negative reaction! But he would not listen. The same rebellious response that made him do the video and be disrespectful to start with made him keep it up in defiance. We watched fans who previously had loved him and his cool sweet image leave the fandom in droves. Arista did warn him.
The third and final blow to his popularity? Publicly dissing Sanjayya on just about every radio station interview he did in candor, which smacked of arrogance, and being a disloyal aass to his fellows and different Idol fanbases. Along with it too, came veiled comments at the Idol franchise, and suddenly all the people who had supported him and voted for him? They realized they had wasted their time, effort, and money. He never wanted to win to start with. Who won was the person who really wanted to win(Jordin, yes), and the disgruntled Melinda fans pointed a finger at Blake as being unworthy for his second-place finish, again. Once the Idol wave of sentiment goes against you? You aren't left with much goodwill.
So, here we are, watching the Idolcareer remnants gather in flotsam on the water, the ship now sunk. It all started tho, with his rebellious nature fighting the fame and "misconceptions" of fans, and the unraveling was painful to live let alone realize in retrospect. As one of the die-hard fans it's difficult to look back and see how he shot himself in the foot time and again, and nearly even shook me loose for good. The public is a responsive organism, and when the celebrity put questionable stuff on their MS or in their interviews? There will be a price that is exacted. I had to decide what I thought about that, myself. Here's the thing, with me: one of the things I really like about the boy, despite his velvety voice, is his direct nature. I like his honesty. He said right along, that he is going to stay honest, and not stray from his moral feeling of what is right. When a person decides that they are going to be honest no matter what-- doesn;t that deserve respect? Even if he's saying something that I don't agree with, or wish he'd shut up plz? Don't women feel that way about men alot of the time? Don't I WANT HIM to be honest, and true to himself?
Yes, I do.
So, when I made the decision that I liked him being candid-natured,I knew alot of other people would not. He may occassionally be an aass and not realizing honesty can be turned around as a weapon on him, but at least he is trying to be true to himself. He has the reputation for being a douche and an aass, an immature guy, but geez-- he isn't hurting anyone, and he needs time to just grow up and find his way. If the worst thing someone can say is they are off-putted by his candor, that isn;t so bad. He is in general a very polite person. He is well-spoken and gentle with young fans and kids, and generous with his time and attention. Some people don;t like his tattoos, some love them. Some people don;t like the vocal skills, some are blown away at his creativity. Can't please everyone. If he isn't drunk and disorderly and kissing other guys on his MS page...if he isn't saying harmful things, and still being so kind to his fans?I can respect that. In the end, I respect it.
The comedy sketch was a bad choice for sure, and something I point to today and say "MISTAKE, right here." but, FunnyorDie is a creative braintrust of WillFarrell and his comedian buddies. Do we hate them for being douchey idiots? It's their hobby, making crazy, disgusting, and idiot videos...and I just turn a blind eye. Really creative type of peoples sometimes are involved in efforts we may not feel is funny at all, but for them, allows them a stop-valve to let off some steam and pressure they can't anywhere else. Off-color, off-beat, and definitely not for all of us, but hell-- that's how SNL got started!
Some fan-people hate Blake now, for ruining their dream of him, for popping the romantic image, soiling it in any way. Some people will hate Mileyy for the same way (including me, I suspect), and some have hardened their hearts against Hilaryy for growing up Hollywood, even if we were the ones who put her there. Can I hate Blake for wanting to stay himself, and remain the Seattle-boy at heart? In a way, it's the honesty that is the basis for my admiration now, and it is a much safer place to stand than on image. Image can be a construction, but not many celebs have the moral fortitude to simply decide to stay themselves.
How much of what we put out in the everyday workaday world is image, for ourselves? Would we have the nerve to go out into our day without our makeup and image firmly intact? Would we have the fiber to stand up if we were put on the spot? Are you strong enough in yourself just to be You, and live in the moment?
Included here today is an interview Blake did with EmilyR of the FOXaffiliate there, and a fan herself. He asks her shyly askance this very question, about how the Image of TV is so misleading, and doesn't she feel the pressure sometimes herself? He is so very normal and honest here in this interview, which takes time to actually TALK to him a bit in a chat, I find it's that which makes me see what I truly Like about him. If you are curious at all as to what I see in this guy, watch the vid, peoples.:-)
He might say things that will set me off, or make me blush, or roll my eyes, but I don't think I'll ever be in a situation now where I am disgusted that he sold out.
No naked pictures to see here folks!(altho I am hoping for pictures of his newly remodeled house and crown molding) Move along.
How can't you admire a guy like that who admits to being a painter and construction worker, and does his own trimwork on his off time? He doesn't want you to think he's dreamy, or some PrinceCharming-- he just wants you to enjoy his music. We are the ones who insist on flailing about!:-P
The image was hard to have popped, admittedly, and the Public doesn't stand for that. What happens after the cardboard constructs are knocked down, or a teen siren grows up remain to be seen. We like our dream-versions of people which are free of flaws and shortcomings; none of us are without our own paragons. If your favorite celebrity shows they have feet of clay, will you love them still, or will you feel only how they were cardboard to start with? Will your celeb favs help you be a better person and reach for goals, or excuse your own bad behavior?
But what about Mileyy? What is the impact there, as a billion girls look up to her, watching her grow up and set the standard for what a "normal girl" really can achieve? Will she only encourage the questionable behavior and naked pictures and sexxy MS photos for the young? Isn't that a trend we want to nip in the bud?? Why is she falling for the sexxy propaganda, when she should be still encouraging young girls to keep their clothes on, and stay sweet? There are rumours of sexxy sleepovers, kissing girls, and boyfriends in her half of the house...there are even pictures to show that she isn;t as innocent as we would like to think. At 15, didn't I know girls who were savvy and fast? But, were they famous for being girl's role models? It's a point or two that makes me squeamish, even as I record this GMA show for youngest to breathlessly watch.
Hilaryy never ever gave me reason for worry, or concern, and for that I find I feel supportive of her, as she explores herself and her own sexuality, as she grows up into an Adult. She left behind from her teen years great movies that we still watch, and will be shown for a long time to come. She came out of the growing up phases with her dignity pretty intact, if not her innocence. A man was bound to steal this from her at some point I resentfully realize, but she shows more how if you respect yourself and your choices, you can come out the other side with some class.
Last night I went back in archives at rickey's, looking to see in retrospect how things unrolled, unraveled, and where we lost so many of Blake's fans. It was the popping of that innocence-bubble we had around him, much as I have spoken about, above. People could not tolerate easily the loss of the charming "kid" image, the sweet boy who wore sweater tops, who seemed a young prince charming of the normal-kind of folk. The idea of him being jaded, or overtly sexual, or callous in his manner out in public just never occurred to people, and with the inside-joke of goodbye, "Titties!" a thousand hearts crashed and burned. The second blow? The MS vid from FunnyorDie of "BL is sh*ttting in my Toliet", and that's where he nearly shook me loose too. His label warned him, to take it down-- it was going to offend his fans and cause a negative reaction! But he would not listen. The same rebellious response that made him do the video and be disrespectful to start with made him keep it up in defiance. We watched fans who previously had loved him and his cool sweet image leave the fandom in droves. Arista did warn him.
The third and final blow to his popularity? Publicly dissing Sanjayya on just about every radio station interview he did in candor, which smacked of arrogance, and being a disloyal aass to his fellows and different Idol fanbases. Along with it too, came veiled comments at the Idol franchise, and suddenly all the people who had supported him and voted for him? They realized they had wasted their time, effort, and money. He never wanted to win to start with. Who won was the person who really wanted to win(Jordin, yes), and the disgruntled Melinda fans pointed a finger at Blake as being unworthy for his second-place finish, again. Once the Idol wave of sentiment goes against you? You aren't left with much goodwill.
So, here we are, watching the Idolcareer remnants gather in flotsam on the water, the ship now sunk. It all started tho, with his rebellious nature fighting the fame and "misconceptions" of fans, and the unraveling was painful to live let alone realize in retrospect. As one of the die-hard fans it's difficult to look back and see how he shot himself in the foot time and again, and nearly even shook me loose for good. The public is a responsive organism, and when the celebrity put questionable stuff on their MS or in their interviews? There will be a price that is exacted. I had to decide what I thought about that, myself. Here's the thing, with me: one of the things I really like about the boy, despite his velvety voice, is his direct nature. I like his honesty. He said right along, that he is going to stay honest, and not stray from his moral feeling of what is right. When a person decides that they are going to be honest no matter what-- doesn;t that deserve respect? Even if he's saying something that I don't agree with, or wish he'd shut up plz? Don't women feel that way about men alot of the time? Don't I WANT HIM to be honest, and true to himself?
Yes, I do.
So, when I made the decision that I liked him being candid-natured,I knew alot of other people would not. He may occassionally be an aass and not realizing honesty can be turned around as a weapon on him, but at least he is trying to be true to himself. He has the reputation for being a douche and an aass, an immature guy, but geez-- he isn't hurting anyone, and he needs time to just grow up and find his way. If the worst thing someone can say is they are off-putted by his candor, that isn;t so bad. He is in general a very polite person. He is well-spoken and gentle with young fans and kids, and generous with his time and attention. Some people don;t like his tattoos, some love them. Some people don;t like the vocal skills, some are blown away at his creativity. Can't please everyone. If he isn't drunk and disorderly and kissing other guys on his MS page...if he isn't saying harmful things, and still being so kind to his fans?I can respect that. In the end, I respect it.
The comedy sketch was a bad choice for sure, and something I point to today and say "MISTAKE, right here." but, FunnyorDie is a creative braintrust of WillFarrell and his comedian buddies. Do we hate them for being douchey idiots? It's their hobby, making crazy, disgusting, and idiot videos...and I just turn a blind eye. Really creative type of peoples sometimes are involved in efforts we may not feel is funny at all, but for them, allows them a stop-valve to let off some steam and pressure they can't anywhere else. Off-color, off-beat, and definitely not for all of us, but hell-- that's how SNL got started!
Some fan-people hate Blake now, for ruining their dream of him, for popping the romantic image, soiling it in any way. Some people will hate Mileyy for the same way (including me, I suspect), and some have hardened their hearts against Hilaryy for growing up Hollywood, even if we were the ones who put her there. Can I hate Blake for wanting to stay himself, and remain the Seattle-boy at heart? In a way, it's the honesty that is the basis for my admiration now, and it is a much safer place to stand than on image. Image can be a construction, but not many celebs have the moral fortitude to simply decide to stay themselves.
How much of what we put out in the everyday workaday world is image, for ourselves? Would we have the nerve to go out into our day without our makeup and image firmly intact? Would we have the fiber to stand up if we were put on the spot? Are you strong enough in yourself just to be You, and live in the moment?
Included here today is an interview Blake did with EmilyR of the FOXaffiliate there, and a fan herself. He asks her shyly askance this very question, about how the Image of TV is so misleading, and doesn't she feel the pressure sometimes herself? He is so very normal and honest here in this interview, which takes time to actually TALK to him a bit in a chat, I find it's that which makes me see what I truly Like about him. If you are curious at all as to what I see in this guy, watch the vid, peoples.:-)
He might say things that will set me off, or make me blush, or roll my eyes, but I don't think I'll ever be in a situation now where I am disgusted that he sold out.
No naked pictures to see here folks!(altho I am hoping for pictures of his newly remodeled house and crown molding) Move along.
How can't you admire a guy like that who admits to being a painter and construction worker, and does his own trimwork on his off time? He doesn't want you to think he's dreamy, or some PrinceCharming-- he just wants you to enjoy his music. We are the ones who insist on flailing about!:-P
The image was hard to have popped, admittedly, and the Public doesn't stand for that. What happens after the cardboard constructs are knocked down, or a teen siren grows up remain to be seen. We like our dream-versions of people which are free of flaws and shortcomings; none of us are without our own paragons. If your favorite celebrity shows they have feet of clay, will you love them still, or will you feel only how they were cardboard to start with? Will your celeb favs help you be a better person and reach for goals, or excuse your own bad behavior?
Thursday, July 17, 2008
How I met Spouse, meme
Kristen just did a really great meme, about how she met her spouse during a trip to the Magic Kingdom. While no magic or pixie dust was involved in the making of MY romance, it still is interesting to tell.
:-)
I met my Spouse thru a blind date. My best girlfriend then(at a different school, because I had moved) wanted me to go to Prom with her, so she figured she would get her BF to set me up with a prime candidate that I might not hate too badly. I wasn't in the market for a BF at the time, and I laughed and laughed--but then I said, "Sure, WTH!" you know?
Well God had a hand in this, because when I talked to him on the phone to confirm particulars of meeting up, because he blew me off the FIRST date we were supposed to meet!-- I immediately got butterflies. When I saw Spouse standing there in the door, the complete opposite of what I thought I was attracted to and liked, I about fell over. He was smokin' hott. I did not know WHAT to think, and as the night went on, I knew God had chosen a guy for me to be The One.
heh.
Exciting, but terrifying!
The first date we had was May1982. We didn't go to Prom with my friend, but we did end up making it to his. We've been together ever since.
I don't recall what he was wearing, but he was very tall, and dark and thin. I remember I was wearing teal green brushed denim jeans that fit just-so, and we went putt-putt golfing. I won. We have only gone one other time since!
Spouse was It for me from the moment I met him. He and I may look differently on the outside due to our ethnic differences, but we share a common nature and loyalty. We don't worry too much about what the other one is doing, out and about in the world. I still love him like crazy.
Just think, all those years ago, it started with a blind date, just because my friend wanted a double date for Prom! LOL. It goes to show you sometimes God has Plans for you, when you least expect it.
Questions?
Where was the first time you kissed this person?
outside, goodbye (second date). I felt like I'd been electrocuted.
Have you ever broken the law with this person?
no, we are goodies.
Do you get along with his family?
yes, I try to be very friendly.
They wished he'd married a family friend or a city girl/Italian girl, but they got me instead!
Do you trust this person?
Yes, absolutely. He is about the only person I can trust in to love me no matter what. It means everything.
What was the most expensive thing they got you?
He did buy me a diamond engagement ring, which I never really wore much. He bought me this horse farm, and continues to pay for my expensive animal afflictions. We don't really buy "stuff", we just live it.
What is one thing he does that gets on your nerves?
is obsessive about sports he coaches, in season.
What is the thing you do that gets on his nerves?
He hates my computer obsession.
What causes the most arguments?
We argue and clash because we are both strong-natured people, with passionate natures. I don't like him bossing me.
Bonus?
People wonder what the secret is to a long lasting relationship, but I'd have to say the biggest part of it is really LIKING and admiring the person you are with. If you are friends with your mate, you have a base to stand on when things get rough. It will help see you thru. That is really the truth. Nobody is perfect, and sh*t does happen in the course of living. Be prepared, and face it with someone you can love and trust in.
:-)
I met my Spouse thru a blind date. My best girlfriend then(at a different school, because I had moved) wanted me to go to Prom with her, so she figured she would get her BF to set me up with a prime candidate that I might not hate too badly. I wasn't in the market for a BF at the time, and I laughed and laughed--but then I said, "Sure, WTH!" you know?
Well God had a hand in this, because when I talked to him on the phone to confirm particulars of meeting up, because he blew me off the FIRST date we were supposed to meet!-- I immediately got butterflies. When I saw Spouse standing there in the door, the complete opposite of what I thought I was attracted to and liked, I about fell over. He was smokin' hott. I did not know WHAT to think, and as the night went on, I knew God had chosen a guy for me to be The One.
heh.
Exciting, but terrifying!
The first date we had was May1982. We didn't go to Prom with my friend, but we did end up making it to his. We've been together ever since.
I don't recall what he was wearing, but he was very tall, and dark and thin. I remember I was wearing teal green brushed denim jeans that fit just-so, and we went putt-putt golfing. I won. We have only gone one other time since!
Spouse was It for me from the moment I met him. He and I may look differently on the outside due to our ethnic differences, but we share a common nature and loyalty. We don't worry too much about what the other one is doing, out and about in the world. I still love him like crazy.
Just think, all those years ago, it started with a blind date, just because my friend wanted a double date for Prom! LOL. It goes to show you sometimes God has Plans for you, when you least expect it.
Questions?
Where was the first time you kissed this person?
outside, goodbye (second date). I felt like I'd been electrocuted.
Have you ever broken the law with this person?
no, we are goodies.
Do you get along with his family?
yes, I try to be very friendly.
They wished he'd married a family friend or a city girl/Italian girl, but they got me instead!
Do you trust this person?
Yes, absolutely. He is about the only person I can trust in to love me no matter what. It means everything.
What was the most expensive thing they got you?
He did buy me a diamond engagement ring, which I never really wore much. He bought me this horse farm, and continues to pay for my expensive animal afflictions. We don't really buy "stuff", we just live it.
What is one thing he does that gets on your nerves?
is obsessive about sports he coaches, in season.
What is the thing you do that gets on his nerves?
He hates my computer obsession.
What causes the most arguments?
We argue and clash because we are both strong-natured people, with passionate natures. I don't like him bossing me.
Bonus?
People wonder what the secret is to a long lasting relationship, but I'd have to say the biggest part of it is really LIKING and admiring the person you are with. If you are friends with your mate, you have a base to stand on when things get rough. It will help see you thru. That is really the truth. Nobody is perfect, and sh*t does happen in the course of living. Be prepared, and face it with someone you can love and trust in.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
See the evolution
--we feelin' the love! heh! (if you want to taste the music I'm listening to? Run to YouTube and find "We Came To Get Down", by CalebbCunningham feat Blake. Bump along with me, bbs...)
I have had an interesting week, and it ain't over yet. We had our little cousin for a visit, and that was good, if wierd. I got a little worried about exposure, what with her using the pc here-- I do think she saw my moniker, and my cookies actually remembered her password so I got into her mailbox last night, which freaked me the hell out. As we know, I am terrified of exposure, having my freedom here online ruined. I don;t know why it bothers me so much, aside from my FOUR tendencies to hide my feelings and thoughts in "safety". I was thinking about that last night, as I pondered the small worry of her knowing my name,possibly blowing my cover-- why did it mean so much to me, that privacy factor? Wasn;t it sort of a moot point, as I have been participating online, and anything I have ever written, replied to, or commented is available? Hasn't the internet world grown much broader in recent years? Didn;t I use to feel that only a small community of peeps would know me, and so if they "searched" me, that it would be alright?
Yes. But that was before, when google was not so prevalent, when people didn;t search their own name as a regular thing(or someone else's either). Now, people search at the drop of a hat-- something that used to be more a rarity, a lark. I have had moments of pause about that, people finding me thru search words, thru titles, thru subjects I spoke of here. It's made me dodgy when I consider how small a world it is.
Still, my internet name is Mine, the identity is Me. Should I be ashamed of who I am, and what I have written or created? Should I be ashamed of my Blake fan behavior, or my introspective writings and readings? Should I be worried about rejection for what I have written or think, even at this late date? *sigh* So on it goes. I don't have a few identities, really, only one. If I were a braver person, I would be like others and let my internet and real worlds collide, and live fearlessly. BUT-- if I do, then I will have to censor what it I say, and possibly receive rejection from family for stuff found, right? yes. I am very loathe to give up my privacy, my freedom, and ability to express my mind without judgement. Judgement from others has not been my friend in life, and cuts worse than perhaps any disagreement, because a Value is made. (dammed neurosis! eh?)
The whole BullysE experience has been evolution for me as a person, expressing myself and my feelings and thoughts, and creative expressions. I always have told people that BullysE was a flawed person right up front, and that what happens to her along the way really is her learning about life and people, and trying to figure things out. It's a journey I am on, and has been documented here the past 10 years. It's out there, somewhere, even if it is in the minds of those people I knew once.
Can I refute, repudiate or hate myself for my journey, and being honest? Acceptance of even this online self can prove difficult, at times. Acceptance of self, and living without fear of Judgement and Fear is always my challenge.
One thing I have noticed, is my ever-growing crazy thoughts and dreams. Even as another person i know online goes thru a period of searching the meaning of her dreams(which are crazy and vivid) I think I know the source of this, on some level:
Lack of creative output, log-jamming my brain. Creative people have a surplus of thoughts and dreams that simply must be expressed--and mine is not. Dreams can often steer you, if you let them. This creative writer person I know has been wrestling with this, and what her dreams are trying to tell her, and while they can be viciously symbolic? Sometimes they are motivating, as they burn within you, seeking to get rid of the surplus brain-space that is needed for daily function!
When was the last time I wrote a poem, or a fiction? When was the last time I let myself enjoy the incendiary delights of being consumed in a writing project? Wasn't that how this whole internet addiction started out?? Writing, online, and letting my creativity burn. I have a very good imagination, and the girls and I "Let's Pretend" alot--- and one might question in a quieter moment, just WHY myself(and my girls, for that matter) needs to explore and have untold worlds and adventures, and fantasy. I seem to naturally create it, needing it inside myself for respite. It is my rosey petals in a sometimes dry cold world of adulthood. Hmm. So, my kids need it too, and burn with their own creativity, and this is evident in all their art projects now that they are have summer boredom. They are consumed in one project after another-- and I think that this is what is missing for me, and why i turn against myself in my white-noise brain-time. Sleep, and pre-sleep is very difficult for me, and causes my late nights, that nervous energy. It burns naturally, because I am not using it somehow. So, one wonders how, and if there will be anyone who will share and encourage that facility in me(without judgement or use or hurt).
BullysE was created to expend this energy, and share with others. You wonder how I came to be here? well that's how. If I no longer have the Bully-monikerr, then won't I burn just the same? At some point the typeFOUR inside my brain needs to get over the exposure fear, and just accept and own my nom-de-plume as a utilitarian part of Me. Is what I expose so bad, that I must hide in fear? Am I so awful? Or is it just vulnerability and fear of judgement and abandonment that is the worse culprit?
I tell you I am flawed, and intense, and vulnerable, but somehow it is worse when people discover it for themselves. The crack in my veneer is what makes me an Error Message, I guess. The flaws are why I continually search for answers and light, friendly mirrors to guide me, and hopefully an audience that will applaud my creative efforts too. I still burn, even it seems quiet in here.
I have had an interesting week, and it ain't over yet. We had our little cousin for a visit, and that was good, if wierd. I got a little worried about exposure, what with her using the pc here-- I do think she saw my moniker, and my cookies actually remembered her password so I got into her mailbox last night, which freaked me the hell out. As we know, I am terrified of exposure, having my freedom here online ruined. I don;t know why it bothers me so much, aside from my FOUR tendencies to hide my feelings and thoughts in "safety". I was thinking about that last night, as I pondered the small worry of her knowing my name,possibly blowing my cover-- why did it mean so much to me, that privacy factor? Wasn;t it sort of a moot point, as I have been participating online, and anything I have ever written, replied to, or commented is available? Hasn't the internet world grown much broader in recent years? Didn;t I use to feel that only a small community of peeps would know me, and so if they "searched" me, that it would be alright?
Yes. But that was before, when google was not so prevalent, when people didn;t search their own name as a regular thing(or someone else's either). Now, people search at the drop of a hat-- something that used to be more a rarity, a lark. I have had moments of pause about that, people finding me thru search words, thru titles, thru subjects I spoke of here. It's made me dodgy when I consider how small a world it is.
Still, my internet name is Mine, the identity is Me. Should I be ashamed of who I am, and what I have written or created? Should I be ashamed of my Blake fan behavior, or my introspective writings and readings? Should I be worried about rejection for what I have written or think, even at this late date? *sigh* So on it goes. I don't have a few identities, really, only one. If I were a braver person, I would be like others and let my internet and real worlds collide, and live fearlessly. BUT-- if I do, then I will have to censor what it I say, and possibly receive rejection from family for stuff found, right? yes. I am very loathe to give up my privacy, my freedom, and ability to express my mind without judgement. Judgement from others has not been my friend in life, and cuts worse than perhaps any disagreement, because a Value is made. (dammed neurosis! eh?)
The whole BullysE experience has been evolution for me as a person, expressing myself and my feelings and thoughts, and creative expressions. I always have told people that BullysE was a flawed person right up front, and that what happens to her along the way really is her learning about life and people, and trying to figure things out. It's a journey I am on, and has been documented here the past 10 years. It's out there, somewhere, even if it is in the minds of those people I knew once.
Can I refute, repudiate or hate myself for my journey, and being honest? Acceptance of even this online self can prove difficult, at times. Acceptance of self, and living without fear of Judgement and Fear is always my challenge.
One thing I have noticed, is my ever-growing crazy thoughts and dreams. Even as another person i know online goes thru a period of searching the meaning of her dreams(which are crazy and vivid) I think I know the source of this, on some level:
Lack of creative output, log-jamming my brain. Creative people have a surplus of thoughts and dreams that simply must be expressed--and mine is not. Dreams can often steer you, if you let them. This creative writer person I know has been wrestling with this, and what her dreams are trying to tell her, and while they can be viciously symbolic? Sometimes they are motivating, as they burn within you, seeking to get rid of the surplus brain-space that is needed for daily function!
When was the last time I wrote a poem, or a fiction? When was the last time I let myself enjoy the incendiary delights of being consumed in a writing project? Wasn't that how this whole internet addiction started out?? Writing, online, and letting my creativity burn. I have a very good imagination, and the girls and I "Let's Pretend" alot--- and one might question in a quieter moment, just WHY myself(and my girls, for that matter) needs to explore and have untold worlds and adventures, and fantasy. I seem to naturally create it, needing it inside myself for respite. It is my rosey petals in a sometimes dry cold world of adulthood. Hmm. So, my kids need it too, and burn with their own creativity, and this is evident in all their art projects now that they are have summer boredom. They are consumed in one project after another-- and I think that this is what is missing for me, and why i turn against myself in my white-noise brain-time. Sleep, and pre-sleep is very difficult for me, and causes my late nights, that nervous energy. It burns naturally, because I am not using it somehow. So, one wonders how, and if there will be anyone who will share and encourage that facility in me(without judgement or use or hurt).
BullysE was created to expend this energy, and share with others. You wonder how I came to be here? well that's how. If I no longer have the Bully-monikerr, then won't I burn just the same? At some point the typeFOUR inside my brain needs to get over the exposure fear, and just accept and own my nom-de-plume as a utilitarian part of Me. Is what I expose so bad, that I must hide in fear? Am I so awful? Or is it just vulnerability and fear of judgement and abandonment that is the worse culprit?
I tell you I am flawed, and intense, and vulnerable, but somehow it is worse when people discover it for themselves. The crack in my veneer is what makes me an Error Message, I guess. The flaws are why I continually search for answers and light, friendly mirrors to guide me, and hopefully an audience that will applaud my creative efforts too. I still burn, even it seems quiet in here.
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